XOXO Hayden by Chris Corkum

Title: XOXO Hayden  
Author: Chris Corkum
Publisher: PD Publishing
Buy the book: Publisher

Blurb:

It’s not easy growing up – as a gay suburban teenager in the 80’s. It’s even harder when the crush you have on a major British pop star becomes reality. Steven Carlisle and Hayden Whitfield come from two completely different worlds. Steven is a teenager growing up in Orange County, grappling with his sexuality and identity in high school. Hayden is a major English pop star, trying to find acceptance and validation through his music. From the moment they meet, when Steven wins backstage passes to one of Hayden’s concerts, an undeniable connection is created between the two; a connection that lasts eighteen years, evolving from letters into a wonderful, often tumultuous relationship. XOXO Hayden is the story of a suburban teenager’s journey from adolescence into adulthood and the rise and fall of a mighty pop star and the indelible impression he leaves behind.

Review:

XOXO Hayden is a moving, touching, bittersweet love story. Well written and intense, the story is like watching 2 speeding cars racing at each other, you know it can’t end well but you can’t look away and simply *have* to know how everything ends up. I hesitate to say too much without giving away spoilers but some readers are pretty adamant about their happy ending. There is one of sorts, but the story itself and the journey is the reason to read this beautiful book.

Hayden Whitfield is an international pop star. Steven Carlisle is a thirteen year old boy who worships Hayden and his music completely. When Steven gets the opportunity to meet Hayden, a common spark is set off in both men and thus begins a life long connection. Hayden and Steven have little in common at first until disturbing details about Hayden’s past seem to parallel the unhappy home life Steven is experiencing. The two lost souls seem to find something in each other and their letters are a much needed source of reality and comfort. Their friendship turns physical when Steven is of age but the demons that haunt both men are not so easily ignored.

This is a wonderfully written character driven story. The main thrust is the unlikely friendship between Hayden and Steven that becomes physical but lasts beyond that. Hayden is a great study in a flawed character as he struggles with his addictions, his needs, and weak personality. Due to his abusive childhood, Hayden desperately needs world wide approval. He seeks this through his music and the adoration of crowds and critics. Negative reviews can cause a whirlwind of depression but Hayden shows real signs of strength too. He struggles numerous times to get out of bad habits and places limits on his schedule and time. He attempts to express his feelings, mistakes, hopes, and dreams through his music and desperately craves public approval. He sees a kindred soul in Steven and clings to the man he loves more than life itself. Hayden is a classic tragic flawed hero but he has dimension, depth, and warmth. He’s not simply a lost cause and there are several key points where his life turns. Often it is difficult to watch Hayden spiral down, giving into his demons when he has such worth and love to give.

Similarly, Steven is not without his own destructive tendencies. Steven starts the book as a young boy, thirteen. He worships Hayden but doesn’t realize that his love for the singer is also sexual in nature. Steven slowly begins to understand his sexuality and what it means not only to him but his friends and family. Steven has many parallels to Hayden with an unhappy home life and a physically abusive father. Steven copes with his by going on his own destructive path with drugs and alcohol. He finally pulls himself out of that ditch but he doesn’t have the depth of pain that Hayden copes with. There are definite similarities, which perhaps explain why a rock star would befriend a teenage boy half way around the world, but Steven also has a slightly better life and support system. Steven finds a way to continually refocus his life and goals to provide a happy life, even if not exactly what he wants. Steven struggles the entire book with his love for Hayden coupled with the demons each fight and the disastrous affect on their relationship.

Their relationship from friendship to love and beyond forms the basis of the book. These two are not always together and actually spend the majority of the almost dozen plus years depicted apart, however their connection is essential to both men and their love is never lost. Damaged, bruised, battered, and torn but the love between them is a defining characteristic of both men’s lives. Even through their mistakes this is an important factor. Hayden doesn’t want to hurt Steven, in fact his actions are based on loving the man too much and being aware of his own flaws and demons. However Steven must also figure out a way to have a life outside of Hayden and his all consuming presence. Their dynamic is engrossing and riveting. Their push and pull with each other is sometimes difficult to read but translates a real depth of emotion and intensity to their actions.

The writing is lush in its descriptions from an almost casual alcohol abuse and drug use to the rich environments and energy of the city. The small town stagnation is juxtaposed against the vibrancy of new experiences and a young man’s yearning for something more, something different. The prose is often evocative and includes song lyrics and letters that enhance the story. The narrator changes from first person from Steven’s point of view and third person for Hayden’s point of view. This can be somewhat disconcerting at first but soon settles in. The sweet, coming of age story draws you in from the beginning and never lets you go. If there are any stumbles, the initial reason for the friendship and its continued existence when Steven is a teenager is the weakest aspect. There are several scenes that seem far fetched, even given the circumstances. Yet you want to buy into the premise and just follow wherever the story takes you. This is also why the story’s ending is bittersweet yet filled with a quiet hope.

This story almost had me in tears and has several poignant, intense moments. Above else, this is a love story and one that depicts a difficult journey but powerful and worthwhile. There is a happy ending of sorts, maybe not the obvious one, and I respect the story for staying true and taking on a difficult ending. Steven and Hayden’s love is often tragic, moving, and passionate but totally engaging. If you’re looking for something meaningful and heartfelt, check this out.